Reset

Okay, so here I am, 19 days into my first Whole30 and I'm crying uncle and tossing in the towel on this one. And starting it from Day 1 again.

This past Monday, I had a spectacular crash at hockey and managed to sprain my right ankle and tear some ligaments in my left knee. Talented, right? I know, it takes a special something to be able to mess up both legs at the same time! After the shock wore off, it was pretty darn painful. So I was off work for 2 days and in those 2 days I managed to completely derail my Whole30 progress.

I know it's my own fault but I partially blame timing and being so damn broke. I live paycheque to paycheque. As soon as I get paid, it's right out of my bank account to pay my bills. I've tried (albeit maybe not as hard as I could try) to have a budget in place and by all accounts and math, I shouldn't have to struggle financially like I do. But I still do. I cannot for the life of me figure it out. I can't make it work. So leading up to my injury, I was broke and had run out of Whole30 groceries. There was not a piece of proper meat to or egg to be found in my house. But payday wasn't until Tuesday. Well on Tuesday I was too busy hobbling to the doctor and for an x-ray on my knee and generally feeling sorry for myself to go grocery shopping. On Wednesday, I made myself go out and get groceries.

I bought all kinds of good stuff (although I managed to go $20 over my grocery budget)! I had used my new Pepperplate app to plan out meals for the week and make a grocery list and I was good to go. But after going back to work Thursday, it sort of all fell apart. I was kind of tired in the evenings after spending 2 days in bed, lounging around, napping and whatnot so I was lazy when it came to cooking. (Did I mention that I had Wendy's for dinner on Tuesday night? Yeah. I went from eating clean, wholesome food to a Baconator and fries. Awesome.)

It's like the second I think, "Oh, I've been doing so well at resisting temptation! I should let myself have a little bit of _______." And then it's pretty much all downhill from there. Like tonight, I came home from work (having had a Starbucks in the morning that included a croissant and a sandwich for lunch) not even remotely hungry and the fiancé says, "Hey let's go to my dad's for board games with the family. Oh and I'd like to stop at McDonald's for dinner." At first I said that I would stop for him but that I wasn't really hungry (I honestly wasn't). And I probably would have been able to resist had we gone through the drive-thru. But he wanted to eat in. The second I stepped in there and smelled the fries, I was ordering something. I wasn't hungry but I justified it with the fact that I had already cheated that day so what difference did it make now. I ordered the cheeseburger Happy Meal. I inhaled it then sat there feeling like crap while he ate.

Later at his dad's, his stepmom broke out some meat, cheese, crackers and pickles, chicken wings and leftover baking from Christmas. At first I just had some meat and pickles and a few wings but then it was a brownie, then a Nanaimo bar and I picked at a few other things. The entire time, not hungry, but eating. It was totally mindless. On the way home (and sorry if this is TMI), I burped but it was a vurp (vomit burp). There were actual chunks. It was disgusting! That's when I know I've eaten too much. It used to happen all of the time when I constantly overate. It hasn't happened in a while. It seriously grossed me out.

So I am pushing the reset button and starting over.